Letters
by spazztic-author
Summary: She put to paper what she couldn't tell him in person. Letters sent by the Warden Commander before she was such, before she was even the Hero of Fereldan, to her favorite Templar and first friend.
1. Chapter 1

Ser Cullen,

I've thought and argued with myself over sending you any kind of message. I can only imagine the rumors and stories flying back and forth through the tower about why I was forced to leave.

We've been friends, atleast I hope that's what we've been, for nearly as long as you've been at the Tower. I feel that I owe atleast you... No, especially you an explanation.

You must have heard about Jowan by now, and know that I had a hand in his escape. I will not deny it. I discovered that Jowan was meant to be made Tranquil, not by his own hand but by order of Knight-Commander Gregoir. You must understand, Jowan is, no, was the closest thing to a brother that I knew. The thought of him, like that... I could not bear it. It would have been different had he asked for it, but to have the decision stripped from his hands?

I did not know Jowan was a Blood Mage, you must believe me. But I will not lie to you either and say I regret my actions.

I had wanted to tell you this, in person. I had wanted to say good bye, as I don't think we're ever bound to see one another again. Would you even want to see me again...?

Can you forgive me, Cullen? I suppose that was the purpose of this letter. Even if you can't, know you will always have a friend in me.

_Fiona Amell_


	2. On the Run

We are lost

Loghain betrayed the king

Withdrew troops once Cailan's army was committed to the fight

You must know the truth and spread it.

Not safe for us. Lothering will be lost.

Be careful.

_Amell_


	3. Beyond Lothering

Ser Cullen,

We're clear of Lothering. In the hills somewhere, away from the Darkspawn and Loghain's followers. He brands the Wardens traitors and kingslayers, but it was by his actions that we failed at Ostagar. You must not trust him or his emissaries, and pass the word to Gregoir. He will trust your words as I hope you trust mine.

We've spent nearly the entire time I've been away from the tower running from one thing or another. This is the first opportunity that I've had to sit and reflect, and I can't help but turn my thoughts to the Tower. We apprentices knew next to nothing of the outside world, and now that I've been thrust out into the open I can't help but envy that kind of ignorance. I find myself wondering if you and your Templars knew the turmoil outside, or if you were just as sheltered as the rest of us.

I fantasized about freedom, about being away from the confining Tower and all it's restrictions. Now that I am able to make my own decisions, I loathe it. I am filled with doubt and uncertainty, but others still look to me for answers I don't have or plans I have yet to make. I... I resent them for it, and hate myself for that. I have never been a leader. I have never felt the desire to lead, but now what ever I do, what ever I choose, it will make an impact on everything forever afterward.

We leave at dawn. Alistair assures me that Arl Eamon would support us against Loghain, as he was the king's uncle. I am hesitant to journey to Redcliffe just now. The Arl and his armies were the only ones who were not decimated by the failed battle in the south, and I am afraid that Loghain is of a similar mind as Alistair. He will most certainly wait for us to approach the Arl, and kill us all if he thinks that is what it will take to secure the throne.

Maybe he already has, with the failure that is Ostagar.

I long to see you and speak with you. Your advice was always helpful, and the confidence you inspired... I am just worried I cannot do this alone. Maybe not even with an army at my back.

My mind is sinking further into this pit, and I'm afraid I won't be able to claw my way out. They will expect guidance at dawn... What if I am unable to provide any?

I cannot tell you when or where my next letter will be, but... But if you wish, leave your own at the Spoiled Princess. It would mean so much to hear from you, even if just a note.

Your friend,  
><em>Fiona Amell <em>


End file.
